Are you clever enough to watch this?

Zola Jesus

I fucking love this woman!

...

I'm bound to my bed for a week. On bloody crutches... So much planned and now nothing can be completed.

This makes life beautiful though:

So fucking humiliated!

Ok so the new start of my healthy life wasn't really a success... After 1000m of hardcore swimming i got out of the pool completely exhausted. This really hot guy that i had eye contact with a few times in the pool followed me out of the pool to the locker room. I had a shower and when i was standing moisturizing my face he came up next to me. This could have ended in a romantic moment but OF COURSE my body managed to fuck it up. Just when i was about to turn around my knee got dislocated and i fell to the floor in pain with about 10 beauty products flying in different direction. i was lying there like a fish out of water gasping for air. When i thought this is the worst it can get i was proven wrong. this old man came up started shouting 'CALL AN AMBULANCE, GET A LIFE GUARD NOW' and there i was on the floor whispering 'no, no I'll be fine don't worry. My leg was going berserk cramping and twitching and a life guard came running in. All this time the hot guy was just standing there behind me looking at this naked bony body (me) suffering on the marble floor. I ignored him and after about 10 minutes he left.

Now I'm not aloud to go to work and is going to see the doctor at 2. Great start of my new healthy life...

Thats it I'm drinking all day today. Drinking to forget...

By the way, heaven is yours

I'm actually going swimming before work. I've been sober for 3 days now (if today counts tho its only 10 o'clock. 

Is this it? Am i sorting myself out?

Enjoy, John Maus - Do your best:

Have you passed through this night?

It's a new day, and the outcast are shivering around London. I see way to many of them now a days. I'm safe at home and sentimental as always. It's something with the first cold winter nights that gets me incredibly emotional. I guess i just love the dark (no I'm not trying to sound like a goth) but it fills me in a weird way. 

The letter

Am I could or should i burn in flames

It's clear that its time for a change. A change i haven't wished upon myself. They have called me 'Wild at heart' before but only now has it occurred to me how true this actually is. Its a strange feeling that something that can get you that high can get you that low. 

I see you...

It will not be a tender fire

I ren desperation av min nykterhet bestämde jag mig för att starta en blogg (against all my believes) istället för att gå till Joiners.

Denna 53 dagars vidriga fylla kom till ett stop idag efter att ha snittat 3 timmars sömn varje natt denna vecka OCH jobbat varje dag. Isn't love fantastic...

London börjar bli kallt och som alltid faller jag tillbaka till gamla vinter rutiner och gräver fram varje cold wave låt jag kan hitta. Eftersom min nya besatthet är Polen för tillfället så har jag blivigt besatt av några polska band. Siekiera, EVA och Pornografia.

Varför måste det bara vara så jävla svårt att hitta bra musik på internet/i affärer så att man måste gå till gamla ligg för att få tag på nånting...

Well well i can feel a pretty big winter agony coming up, och på något sätt känns det ganska bra.